it's not hazardous to think about dying. Why that when someone says, I'm dying soon, everyone thought that he/she has chronic disease? Isn't everyone dying? One minute nearer everyday. I'm not gloomy at it. Instead, when I think of it, it makes me wonder, what have I done? Have I done enough in my life? It gives me strength to move on because I live once and hanging on only .. a thing, wasting every minute of my life. Not saying that I'm always rushing, but a minute, a day, wasted not doing anything, don't you feel, it's a waste.

When I say, I'm dying, I'm not suffering from anything, I still think I will have a long live, not too long though, it's scary to be walking and you are 500, but doesn't mean I have to sit and wait ... I enjoy life, as if there's no tomorrow. I'm not gloomy, nor am I ... emo. It's just how I see it. So, I tend to appreciate people around me, love them with all my heart as if I won't see them tomorrow and NO I do not think of it everyday.

ps. I'm sorry for causing super misunderstanding-


If I fight for something, for someone, he's worth it. He's someone who I trust my life with, our friendship is not just friendship, it's something much more, but what if I realize, he doesn't anymore, he decide to go away from me just because things happen, when I'm in a spot where I really am sorry, for whatever I did, do I feel broken? Yes. He doesn't have to be my lover. He's someone I treasure the most. My super teammate. He.. doesn't need me, I know, and he doesn't love me and it's only selfish of me to hold him back. Is it noble to let go? Or fight for something I believe for even though has he lost it? I miss him.

it still breaks my heart.. every little thing he said to me. *crap for having to hover over things like this* I wonder what he see me as now. I'm scary.

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