Aside from having problems understanding the opposite sex, what do we do to prevent them from getting hurt by what we do? I'm trying hard to be understanding, that it comes to a point that it becomes a little too tiring. Not saying I'm tired of it as a whole, just tired of trying to understand and getting hurt at the same time.
It's frustrating at the same time too. Getting hurt proves that he has the ability to get your heart and feelings. Also you know that you love him and vice versa. I'm not saying to prove whether he loves you, you need to hurt him.
[what am I saying, not making sense at the moment]
I love him with all my heart, trying to understand everybit of his doings, his behavior and his feeling, miss him everyday. I cannot explain in words at all right now, maybe because of the state of mind I am in right now. Everything he says can hurt my feelings and I feel so tired. I'm trying not to take it at all but things keep flowing in my head.
I have questioned myself things that I would never have questioned.
"Are WE a mistake?"
"Were we too fast?"
All these questions popped up right in my head just as when he said "Maybe we don't know each other well huh?" It kept playing in my head. I used to go by a principle. Never get into a relationship with a person you know less than a year...but I broke it.. But, I was happy, never been happier in my life. Maybe all these are just my downs and my ups are coming soon. I knew he less than three month we started "US". Is this our process of knowing each other better?
I love him...and him all these times.
I hate my past. I hate him, what he did, how he look, how he talks, how he stand, how he walks.. I hate all of him. I just wish someone could slap him across his face so he can realise what an asshole he has been...because of him, I cannot get my paranoid self out of my life. I fear this and that and I could never trust a person as a whole. I'm too afraid.
But I love him, I love my life now. My present, the one I'm with. Happy... but couldn't let go of the fear I still have. The paranoia. If I could just give him a chance. A whole new me. A better me. So that he could have me as a whole, not half. So that he will have the chance to show a better side of life. so he could have the chance to be by my side and love me. A chance to love me.
I love you and I'm sorry for whatever I've said, how I couldn't put my trust on you. I should have a long time ago. I love you and you should have the chance to show me how wonderful relationships, life and LOVE can be.
