went to talk to honey. got a very sad convo. told him a lot of things that I had in my mind. Very sad. Very very sad. then it got better somehow? I don't know.. I miss him a lot. am I dumb? I get ignored by him a lot. Somehow because of his mother. I miss you, seriously. T..T and it kinda hurt.
I HATE PEOPLE WHO LOVES TO GIVE ME PROBLEM. DON'T COME AND CREATE TROUBLE AT MY PLACE. If you feel like it, then you can go some other place.. they create MSN for a reason you know.. and you can PM each other ass off. What's with creating trouble? CAN'T EVERYONE LIVE IN PEACE? GAWD SERIOUSLY. I'm trying to be very oblivious to it but please be considerate.. WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU TO DESERVE THIS?
Work, WORK.... I NEED TWO OF THEM, cause my current one.. I don't know how to say this, HORRIBLE? I can't do good! I don't know! I can't pay for school this way. AND I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. I seriously need to. I'm pissed.. I need 2 part time jobs! To help my mother and also pay for my school.
I hate mom when she nags. "WHY MUST GO OUT..?" Why can't I? I stayed and rot at home already for the whole week, what do you want from me? Money, sorry, can't give you cause my pay is too low. Wait till I get two part time job and let that make you happy. Then you won't even need to see my face the whole day? Cause morning I'll be working and night I'll be working. I feel really sad seriously.
SO YOU SEE! I'M ALREADY HAVING ALL THESE, SO LESSEN MINE CAN? PLEASE? *prays* What wrong did I ever do, that I deserve this? WHAT? Sometimes I give up, "try to look at the positive side.." EASIER SAID THAN DONE. Nothing is positive. When I'm happy, I will be twice as sad later. I have no idea. So what? be sad always, so it won't be any difference in my life right..
but not saying that I don't appreciate what I have now. Though my mother nags, I still love her.. I love my family, I'm thankful that my family is what they are.. I'm thankful that my friends are what they are and I'm happy that I have honey, though he makes me unhappy sometimes. Yes I told him I wasn't just now, cause he did make unhappy today and I told him why. But all those aside, I'm still happy that I still have him. Love? no.. cause I don't know what that means.. to love someone who is not my mother, who is not my family.. but I care, deeply care, adore, like and feel..
After being alone for a long time.. Just now, while I was standing in the train. I was thinking to myself? Do I like being hurt? No one likes to be hurt but yes, I choose to stay and be hurt by someone I have feelings for and someone who have feelings for me. For someone who I may fall in LOVE with. It doesn't matter if he doesn't care.. It doesn't matter if he's really oblivious to it, all that matter is that I know, at least my heart beats for him... rather than being cold, not loving someone and not being loved. therefore I know, my tears does not trickle to waste.
"It's not worth it to cry if the other side doesn't cry with you." quote; My brother.
btw, Why are my posts always shows the sad side of me? What happened to all the anger I had? it went away. If I really do show, it would be really ugly sight right? Saying all those mean things about others.. and telling the whole world what an asshole that person is. That only makes me the asshole instead. so somehow, when I'm angry with someone, I rather say it to his/her face, then I'll be happy cause they know I'm angry at them.. Am I right?
