Currently watching Kuroshitsuji. XD yeas, I am slow.
Yes, I'm depressed by BB. please just stop saying "You should learn for her." It is so annoying. I know I know, that's why I'm sitting and watching. If I still suck at it, I might as well stop playing. Stop playing arcade? after all the years I played arcade. Even before I met the people who I know now. Kinda dumb, don't you think so. Am I the person who gives up after being told that I'm not good at it? Depends on my mood. Depends on how I'm feeling now. For now, Yes. Tomorrow, No..
I feel small. I feel really small. My work is not getting any better. I feel pissed and ridiculous. I'm seriously failing hard.. T..T I'm so so so pissed. I kept crying and crying though my brother always say that crying doesn't help, but it hurts so badly that I need to cry. I tried hard and I will try harder. For my brother to be proud of me for the first time.
Yes I cry alot, especially when I'm too weak to handle situation. I cried and cried and cried and remembered what my brother told me
"it's not fair for you to cry while the other side doesn't cry for you. Your tears are not worth of those who doesn't cherish it." I don't know. I feel that crying is the only way to make the pain go away. I feel played. I feel unappreciated. I feel stupid. That's the worst. To feel stupid. To feel that you have been lied to.
Why don't I trust him? I do, I want to but it's just that when I start to trust someone so much, I get betrayed. I feel angry that my heart does not open for him a much as his does to me. Do you love him? I want to but love is just too complicated. Love is something so sacred. I want to love him but I'm scared to. I'm too scared to give my feelings to him fully. I'm so scared that if I do, I will only be left heartbroken. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being angry.
I'm still feeling bad... Sorry really doesn't cure. He is a nice person. Who made me extra happy every single day. Even though he ignores me here and there, I always know there's a reason why he does. Why am I treating him so badly? because I feel used. I'm sorry, I know you're a nice person, I know you appreciate me. I'm so so so so happy I've met you. I'm so so so so happy that we are together. I'm so so so so happy that you are what you. So I'm sorry, though sorry doesn't cure. I'm sorry that I can't say I Love You.
